For some reason, I woke up thinking about Desperate Housewives and how that show ended...
So sad, so heart-wrenching, and so poignant.  And there it is: "poignant" is exactly the word that comes to mind and suits the purpose, but do I really know what it means, beyond 'deeply touching?'  So... open a Word doc, type 'poignant' then shift/F7 and... it also means tender, expressive, moving.  Granted there aren't any words in the list that are positive per se, but they are more neutral than negative.  Like life.  That obscure feeling that is "poignant" is just FEELING, albeit neutral or slightly less.  Ever feel sad and somehow glad at the same time?  Like, just happy to be alive and feel something, anything?  And if that feeling has an element of unpleasantness, it's OK because it's all part of life and living?  That's acceptance, I think.  It's like grief, and knowing a thing is not what we want but knowing it won't change; and right here, right now, I am authentic and real and raw... RAW baby, and all that goes with that... hurting now, hurt from past stuff, but stepping through the next whatever tentatively, with heightened senses, so that I act in such a way as to bring no further harm to myself or any other, if at all possible.  That's a "poignant" state of being, I suppose, and it cannot continue indefinitely- I said 'tentative,' right?  That's no way to LIVE... but for now, it's alive and feeling.  Not at all like the movie "Terms of Endearment" and how that ended - I remember I felt taken advantage of, like the whole thing was a set-up to exploit my emotions... Maybe the other was just a TV show, but it had times of poignancy, feeling, which seemed genuine.  Gotta love a fantasy!